glossary of terms:

faux hawk - a variation on the mohican hair cut popularised by footballer David Beckham
blagging - attempting to acquire goods or services without any monetary transaction (ie for free)
spannered - very drunk
tits up - badly wrong
geezer - a colloquial estuary english term for a man
'texts' - SMS messaging
Chelsea Tractor - 4X4 vehicle (unlikely to be used off road)
Five finger borrowing - stealing
Load of gear - casual drug taking
Full English - Breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and a mug of tea
Stonking murray - rhyming slang for curry (asian indian food)
MOTs - vehicle inspection certificates (often subject to forgery and fraud)
Pete Tong - Wrong (rhyming slang)
Wrinklies - Older people